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These men may be straight, bisexual, pansexual, or queer and may be cis or trans. Boy approaches girl and attempts to get into her pants by telling her how sexy she looks in her lime green halter top and skinny jeans, and how if she sleeps with him, he’ll treat her to a breakfast in bed consisting of homemade Eggs Benedict with a side of Cajun sausage and juice made from freshly-squeezed oranges. Boy, feeling rejected and hurt, becomes angry and lashes out at girl, calling her a b*tch and a stupid slut. ” The scenario described above, although slightly (slightly) embellished, is a common one. If you’re only talking to her or being nice to her to have sex with her, that’s manipulation, pure and simple.
Ah, the stereotypical man-to-women come on attempt. A man, while out at the bar or in a coffee shop or anywhere else in public, finds a woman attractive and attempts to (get to know, date, sleep with) her by giving her what he views as a compliment. The possibly well-intentioned compliment has an undesirable effect, and both parties end up frustrated and angry. It’s when the person feels entitled to that sexual desire being reciprocated, or has other motives, that it infringes on the other person’s boundaries and turns creepy – or at least uncomfortable. It may help to preface your statement with your intentions, like a male friend of mine once did: “I’m not trying to hit on you or anything, but you have the prettiest eyes I’ve ever seen.” Despite your best intentions, some women will simply be turned off by a stranger giving them a compliment.
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Editor’s Note: This article is focused on the problematic ways that men are socialized to approach women they find attractive. The thing is, you should be nice to a woman just to be nice to her.
Regardless of their age, accomplishments, or social status, women are evaluated overwhelmingly on their physical appearance.
Even Hillary Clinton, with all her major political accomplishments, is still the subject of articles that focus on her hair or fashion choices.
Some women appreciate being recognized for what they do or who they are more so than for what they look like.
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This same situation also can occur if a man already knows a woman, but wants to take things to the next level. But it’s the intent behind the compliment that can be problematic. Men, we think it’s great if you find a woman attractive and want to let her know that, but there’s a right way and a wrong way to do it. It can sometimes make women feel like their bodies exist for your judgment and entertainment – and that’s not a good feeling.
The woman may feel put off by the man’s advances that suddenly strain a good friendship. Because the thing is: Men and women who find people of the other gender attractive may want to let them know that. And I’m not saying that male sexuality and male sexual desires are wrong, even though people tend to think that feminists believe that. That being said, here are some tips on doing it the right way. It always helps to get to know a person a little first – even if just for a few minutes.
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