Dear Colette, my question is a bit "heavy" and I hope you are willing to help me with it, because it is totally messing with my body, my heart, my head, with my confidence, with my ability to believe that it's possible for anyone to ever love me again, or ever want to risk being with me because of the physical and psychological impact.
I wish it weren't true, but I have contracted the virus for genital herpes.
I had barely finished my first semester of college when I found out I had herpes.
A high school friend and I wound up taking our friendship a little further, and 20 seconds into the act that would change my life forever, he stopped.
Less than a week later, I found myself in excruciating pain.
It hurt to walk, and I couldn't use soap anywhere near my genital area.
I've given myself to very few men over the years, and one of these very few men (who happens to be married, but we are in an open relationship together with his wife's consent, we are essentially "friends with benefits"); well, he was someone that I've always believed cared for me. And what makes this whole situation even worse is that he TOLD me he had it and I didn't take any precautions to protect myself. I've even told my friends that "he didn't know he had it" because I can't even admit to myself that I didn't look out for myself the way I should have.
It's up to you to decide the right time to tell a date that you have genital herpes.
Follow two rules: First, don't wait until after having sex.
I was thinking that I'd probably never go on another date, or get a boyfriend for that matter, and I'd certainly never have sex again.
The nurse who examined me revealed that she had herpes and said it was no big deal.
Now that you know you have genital herpes, you're out of the dating game, right? There's no reason to stop looking for love and fun.
Genital herpes doesn't detract from your many desirable qualities, which have drawn people to you in the past and will continue to make you a great catch. The first date after a genital herpes diagnosis may seem a little strange, however.
And it's important to understand that genital HSV is very common, affecting about 20% of the U. If you hope to be sexually intimate with your date at some point, you may feel like you're keeping a secret.
If you are one to be candid with people, you'll want to blurt it out. There are some things you should reveal about yourself right away -- for example, that you're married, or that you're just in town for the week -- but some things are better left for the appropriate moment.
For most people, the anxiety over not telling your partner you have herpes is worse than the telling itself.
On the other hand, by telling your partner you have herpes and allowing them to enter into the relationship with full knowledge of your infection, you reduce the likelihood of them becoming infected with herpes.